Observations, Self

my new year’s resolution.

Last night when I was doing yoga before bed (an on-off practice I’m trying to make more consistent), I could not get my mind to stop racing. I wasn’t thinking about anything important. Nope. I was obsessing about what kind of curtains I should get for my new apartment (which I have yet to secure.) And when I say obsessing, I mean obsessing. Like, my mind was furiously working through how many shades of white I had seen on Target.com and what undertones of white paint I’d have to buy to make the room match and whether I should get opaque or sheer curtains to make the room more or less formal and whether sheer curtains would let in enough light to support plant growth and whether I wanted print or solid and which prints would be more timeless, stripes or stars, and how much beyond $25 I was willing to spend on them and whether they should touch the ground or be tied off in the middle and what kinds of tie-backs I’d need to get.

As Yoga with Adriene‘s voice urged me to drop into this practice, I realized that the reason why my mind was racing now was likely because I’d been staring at a screen (and stressing about money) for the past four hours– all while supposedly spending time with my family. In fact, I’d been on my phone nearly constantly during this entire trip home. My eyes hurt, and I was having trouble being present.

Shopping online–or reading blogs about stuff you can buy online– has become a bit of a grounding activity for me in the past month. Being stressed about finding a new place to live (my lease is about to run out) and about all the travel associated with the holidays has led me to the world of collecting and organizing things as an escape into harmless, absorbing, mind-numbing activity. Ultimately, though, it’s not how I want to spend my time.

As I tried to drop into my practice and return to my breath, I realized that a daily meditation practice would be a good counterpoint to all the time I spend daydreaming and thinking about material stuff. Hey, it’s almost New Years! I thought. I should make that my resolution! 

Of course, then it hit me that there were a lot of things I’d like to make my resolution. I should be practicing my flute more! I should use my paints! I should read more novels! I should, I should, I should…

But I don’t have time for any of those things, I realized soon after, now completely ignoring Yogi Adriene, who was deep into a new vinyasa. Unless…

Unless I stop spending so much time browsing Imgur and Refinery 29.

Soooo now I’m thinking that my New Year’s Resolution is going to be to spend less than 1/2 hour every day browsing the Web, with the intention of using those minutes for more truly relaxing activities.

What about you? Do you make New Year’s Resolutions? If so, what’s yours?

 

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